Hello there, Readers!
Below are two versions of what Revelation 12:11 calls “the word of my testimony.” The first is a bulleted list and the second is a 5-minute testimony (approximately), if read out loud. I ask PAPA to do whatever it takes to soften your heart (and my heart!) towards HIM, HIS Word, and HIS Will in every area of your life (and my life!) – no matter what it costs!
PAPA’S Blessings on you all!!!
In HIS Great Love!
Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
• I survived over 13 years of sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect growing up.
• I was consumed with hatred and anger towards GOD and men, as well as self-loathing for over 30 years.
• I used pornography, masturbation, and sexual fantasies as coping mechanisms for many years.
• I dissociated for over 30 years and viewed myself as both male and female (a.k.a, gender-identity confusion).
• I experienced homosexual feelings for over 30 years.
• I lived as a lesbian for over 15 years (8 of those years as a Christian).
• That all began to change when I fully surrendered my authority to GOD’S Authority on 1 SEP 1995.
• KING YESHUA has used HIMSELF, HIS Written Word, two therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, and HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person, to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.
• Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. HE Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, anger, rage, or self-loathing that I used to have.
I grew up in a family where I was sexually, physically, emotionally abused and neglected for over 13 years. I not only hated the 3 men and 1 woman who sexually used me, but I also hated myself – especially my body, because it betrayed me by responding to the sexual stimulations.
There were many unhealthy ways I attempted to deal with the trauma and pain from the sexual abuse, but they were the only coping mechanisms I knew. At a very young age, I was introduced to pornographic magazines, and later found an X-rated novel in the house – what I refer to as “written” pornography. I don’t remember when I first masturbated, but by the time I was 13 years old, I was hooked on masturbation – and devastated by the shame I felt afterwards.
Because of the abuse and neglect, it’s understandable that I desperately wanted to be rescued out of my situation. I craved a safe place to be, so I asked my 2nd-grade teacher, Mrs. Starr, if I could come live with her and her husband – but only if he was nice. I loved Mrs. Starr! ♥
Additionally, I felt emotionally intense romantic feelings for girls. I envisioned “marrying” numerous girl classmates throughout my elementary school years. When puberty hit, I also started having strong sexual feelings for girls and women. By age 17, I “decided” that I was a lesbian. I simultaneously decided that The Bible was a bunch of lies and that GOD didn’t exist.
That, by the way, is the coping mechanism called DENIAL.
The mechanism I used from the earliest sexual abuse was dissociation. It was one of the reasons I survived hundreds of sexual violations. Dissociation is a big word for what The Bible describes as “brokenhearted” in Isaiah 61:1 and KING YESHUA quotes in Luke:
A clearer visual of brokenheartedness is a shattered heart, much like glass shattering in pieces when it hits the ground. The shattering of my heart included gender-identity confusion. Internally, I thought of myself as male and desperately craved for GOD to change me into a boy. HE did not. I didn’t understand that all of my confusion was coming from a distorted view of GOD and myself, but HE did. HE intimately knew how terribly I was hurting and HE also knew that I would need to decide for myself to come to HIM, so HE Patiently Waited.
Finally, in 1995, I got sick-and-tired of being sick-and-tired. HalleluYAH!!!
The prayer I prayed was this: “GOD, I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be. I don’t know if that means I’ll be homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or asexual – I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be!”
HOLY SPIRIT took that prayer and RAN WITH IT!
On 1 SEP 2014, it will be 19 years since fully surrendering to PAPA’S Authority over every area of my life – emotionally, mentally, relationally, and sexually. Physical health and financial recovery began years later and though I’m still physically ill with Lyme, Babesia, and Bartonella, KING YESHUA is still on HIS Throne and I’m still HIS Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Daughter! That’s all that matters! OORAH! :-)
On 23 DEC 2014, it will be 29 years since I surrendered my heart and life to JESUS! I was born-again that MON morning around 1000 and I’ve NEVER received a greater or more priceless gift! HalleluYAH!!! :-)
KING YESHUA has used HIMSELF, HIS Written Word, two therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, and HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person, to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.
Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. HE Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body! HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, anger, rage, or self-loathing that I used to have. I now FEEL all emotions like KING YESHUA Created me to feel and I know how to manage my emotions, too!
Since I now know what to do when I’m anxious, I no longer use pornography, masturbation, or sexual fantasies. I also know what healthy boundaries are and how to enforce them in loving, respectful ways. Before recovery, I only had WALLS and no boundaries. I was walled-off from PAPA, myself, and others. Not any more!
The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10. HalleluYAH! Yet, the only day that truly matters is…today. All of my past failures and successes are nothing compared to right-this-moment-with-PAPA.
HE still asks me the same thing HE asked me in 1995, “Are you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”
Do you know that HE asks you the same question, Dear Reader?
I pray when you answer that you’ll join me in a resounding, “Yes, LORD and AMEN!!!”