Posts Tagged With: Celebrate Recovery (CR)

2-Minute CR Testimony!

Hey there, Readers!

Below is my 2-minute testimony that I shared at Celebrate Recovery for our 11th Anniversary Party on FRI 9 JAN 2015! May PAPA use the following words to enCOURAGE you to NEVER give up!!!

In HIS Great Love!
Beautiful Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
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\o/
_______________

Hey there, CR Family!

I’m one of KING JESUS’ Warrior Princesses and my name is Melanee!

And that’s Melanee with 2 EEs on the end!
😃

I’m gonna share my 2-minute testimony in 3 “segments”:

1. Before Recovery,
2. After Recovery, and
3. After CR!

1. BEFORE RECOVERY

I survived over 13 years of sexual abuse by dissociating; I hated being a girl and viewed myself as a boy.

I lived in constant fear of men, was addicted to porn, and because of my homosexual feelings, I eventually told GOD that I was a lesbian. I lived with a lesbian identity for over 16 years.

I often lied and manipulated whenever I was afraid — which was often.

2. AFTER RECOVERY

I started REAL Recovery with a Christian therapist on 1 SEP 1995. I worked on the core wounds from the sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect and JESUS Performed many miracles! I began to no longer view myself as a boy and was beginning to LOVE being a girl!!
😊

As PAPA Cleansed and Healed my heart from the sexual abuse, my fear of men began to diminish and my use of porn and masturbation decreased. KING YESHUA transformed my view of myself from being a tough dyke to being HIS Beautiful Strong Tender Warrior Princess!!! OORAH!!
😊

HOLY SPIRIT was Teaching me why I was fearful and HE Showed me I could choose to stop attempting to control people-places-things by listening to HIM instead of my fears.
😊

3. AFTER CR

By the time I arrived at the very first meeting of Celebrate Recovery in 2003, I was no longer having any sexual abuse flashbacks and, through PAPA’S Great Love, I had forgiven the 4 perpetrators — HalleluYAH!!!
😊

KING YESHUA used (and still uses) numerous male leaders from CR to continue to diminish my fear of men and HE has repeatedly used the women of CR to let me know that I am TRULY “one-of-the-girls”!
😊

In 2012, HOLY SPIRIT revealed how I was sometimes still lying and it had to do with talking out of fear. Ever since I started sharing about it at CR, my fear-based talking has significantly decreased!!!

And currently…I get to work on STOPPING being lazy!!!
😊

In closing, I enCOURAGE all the newcomers and the oldtimers to NEVER EVER give up!!!

Thanks for letting me share!!!
😊

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Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Celebrate Recovery / CR, FREEDOM!, HIS Great Love!, KING JESUS! | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Bulleted Word Of My Testimony! (19 Year Anniversary!!)

• I survived over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.

• I dissociated in order to survive the abuse and was consumed with hatred and anger towards GOD and men, as well as self-hatred for over 30 years.

• I experienced homosexual feelings for over 30 years and lived as a lesbian for over 15 years (7 of those years as a Christian).

• I used pornography, masturbation, and sexual fantasies as coping mechanisms for many years.

• That all began to change when I fully surrendered my authority to GOD’S Authority on 1 SEP 1995.

• KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, and HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person, to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.

• Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades.

• The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, “Are you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Fruits of Repentance, Growing Up, HIS Great Love!, KING JESUS!, Matters of FAITH: Eternal Life or Eternal Death, Sin, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Word Of My Testimony (Bulleted & 5-Minute Version)

Hello there, Readers!

Below are two versions of what Revelation 12:11 calls “the word of my testimony.” The first is a bulleted list and the second is a 5-minute testimony (approximately), if read out loud. I ask PAPA to do whatever it takes to soften your heart (and my heart!) towards Him, His Word, and His Will in every area of your life (and my life!) — no matter what it costs!

PAPA’S Blessings on you all!!!

In HIS Great Love!

Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
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BULLETED VERSION:

• I survived over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.
• I dissociated in order to survive the abuse and was consumed with hatred and anger towards GOD and men, as well as self-hatred for over 30 years.
• I experienced homosexual feelings for over 30 years and lived as a lesbian for over 15 years (7 of those years as a Christian).
• I used pornography, masturbation, and sexual fantasies as coping mechanisms for many years.
• That all began to change when I fully surrendered my authority to GOD’S Authority on 1 SEP 1995.
• KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, and HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person, to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.
• Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades.
• The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, “Are you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”

PARAGRAPH VERSION:
I grew up in a family where I was sexually, physically, emotionally abused and neglected for over 13 years. I not only hated the 3 men and 1 woman who sexually used me, but I also hated myself – especially my body, because it betrayed me by responding to the sexual stimulations.

There were many unhealthy ways I attempted to deal with the trauma and pain from the sexual abuse, but they were the only coping mechanisms I knew. At a very young age, I was introduced to pornographic magazines, and later found an X-rated novel in the house – what I refer to as “written” pornography. I don’t remember when I first masturbated, but by the time I was 13 years old, I was hooked on masturbation – and devastated by the shame I felt afterwards.

Because of the abuse and neglect, it’s understandable that I wanted to be rescued out of my situation. The way I experienced wanting to be rescued was through emotionally intense romantic feelings for girls. When puberty hit, I also had strong sexual feelings for girls and women. By age 17, I “decided” that I was a lesbian. I simultaneously decided that The Bible was a bunch of lies and that GOD didn’t exist.

That, by the way, is the coping mechanism called DENIAL.

The mechanism I used from the earliest sexual abuse was dissociation. It was one of the reasons I survived hundreds of sexual violations. Dissociation is a big word for what The Bible describes as “brokenhearted” in Isaiah 61:1 and KING YESHUA quotes in Luke:

“The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed.”
— Luke 4:18 (NKJV)

A clearer visual of brokenhearted is a shattered heart, much like glass shattering to pieces when it hits the ground. Even though I didn’t know how deeply broken and wounded I was, PAPA knew; so He allowed me to experience the natural consequences of living in rebellion to Him, until I finally got sick-and-tired of being sick-and-tired.

The prayer I prayed was this: “GOD, I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be. I don’t know if that means I’ll be homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or asexual, but I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be.”

HOLY SPIRIT took that prayer and RAN WITH IT!

On 1 SEP 2014, it will be 19 years since fully surrendering to PAPA’S Authority over every area of my life – emotionally, mentally, relationally, and sexually. Physical health and financial recovery began years later and though I’m still physically ill with Lyme, Babesia, and Bartonella, KING YESHUA is still on His Throne and I’m still His Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Daughter! That’s all that matters! OORAH! 🙂

On 23 DEC 2014, it will be 29 years since I surrendered my heart and life to JESUS! I was born-again that MON morning around 1000 and I’ve NEVER received a greater or more priceless gift! HalleluYAH!!! 🙂

KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, His People (two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person), and HIS Creation to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.

Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades. I now FEEL emotions like KING YESHUA Created me to feel and because of His Faithfulness, I know how to manage my emotions, too!

Since PAPA has Taught me what to do when I’m anxious, I no longer use pornography, masturbation, or sexual fantasies. Before recovery, I only had WALLS and no boundaries. I was walled-off from PAPA, myself, and others. Not any more! KING JESUS and I together tore down the isolating walls (HalleluYAH!!!), and He Taught me what healthy boundaries are and how to enforce them in loving, respectful ways. (Actually, I’m still learning!!) I’m also learning how to **not** talk out of fear or be silent out of fear.

The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, “Are you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”

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\o/

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Family / Friends / Animals, Fruits of Repentance, Growing Up, HIS Great Love!, KING JESUS!, Sin, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

DEC 1985 – SEP 1995 (the short version)

Dear Readers,

Below is a small portion of KING YESHUA’S Story in my life. It’s short, but it’s about The One Who IS GOOD!!! 🙂

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On MON 23 DEC 1985 around 1000 (10:00 am) I became a born-again Christian. My life was NEW!!! And CLEAN!!! And AWESOME!!! Woohoo!!! 🙂

What I didn’t know was, that in order for my emotional, romantic, sexual feelings to be transformed, I would need to practice being rigorously honest with GOD, myself, and others I trusted. My perception at that time was: If I just give my homosexual feelings to GOD, then He would change them into romantic and sexual feelings for men. Kinda like, “Poof!”

That didn’t work.

In FEB 1988, I started a romantic and sexual relationship with another woman who was struggling against homosexuality. Neither of us were very strong (obviously), and in October of that year I experienced my first suicidal feelings.

In the spring of 1989, I returned to living as a homosexual. Why? Because I could not escape my romantic and sexual feelings for other women — I couldn’t make them go away. And since they hadn’t changed (regardless of how many times I begged GOD to take them away), I decided that He must not want to change them, either. I told JESUS that I could no longer deny He was GOD — but I also told Him that I could no longer deny I was a lesbian.

So, off I went to live my new life as a lesbian Christian in Gainesville, FL. Sure, I had questions like, “Are homosexual thoughts and activity sin?” But mainly I was determined to not feel ashamed of my homosexual feelings. And, I really DID want others to know JESUS and give their life to Him. Really.

In OCT 1990, I and the woman I thought would be my forever life-partner, had a ceremony at the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) in Gainesville. Both of our gay-identified brothers were present and signed the document as our witnesses.

On 11 NOV 1991, my brother passed away due to AIDS. In 1992, my life-partner and I moved to Tallahassee and in the fall of 1993, we started the MCC in the capital city of FL. Everything seemed great. I was kind of like the “temporary pastor” of the church — not preaching, but the out-front leader who taught that GOD blessed committed, monogamous homosexuality.

There was a big problem I kept running into, though — I didn’t know how to talk to folks about their sin problems. You see, since I was teaching that homosexuality was *not* sin, then how could I claim that GOD’S Word called their behaviors sinful? How could I say to them that there was hope for them to repent of  their sins?

I could not.

Not lying. Not stealing. Not gossiping. Not adultery. Not fornication. Not even pedophilia. “Who was I to judge?” That’s what I kept hearing in my head. So, suffice it to say, I didn’t have much “power” in my life and I felt hopeless to do anything about it.

Even in the midst of my hopeless powerlessness, though, I met some phenomenal folks through MCC, but they were not the answer to my sin problem. My rebellion could not be “fixed” by any human. Well, not any natural human, anyway. 😉

It took only a few years before I couldn’t take the depression any longer. (For those of you who haven’t experienced it, it is extremely tormenting to say there is freedom in CHRIST to change, while simultaneously refusing to surrender to Him and His Power in every area of one’s own life. That’s called “making two choices.” I blogged about that earlier.)

Back to the story . . .

I didn’t want to live with this torment any more, but I didn’t know how I could kill myself.

But, GOD . . .

Only because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, demonstrated through His Word and a few key folks, did my life begin to have hope. TRUE Hope. Hope for freedom from the tormenting lies I believed about both GOD and myself.

Mainly, though, my prayer was a simple, desperate cry to JESUS — “GOD! I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be!”

So, on 1 SEP 1995, I started “recovery” regarding feelings — all feelings. The first thing my therapist did was send me to PAPA’S Word to find out what He Says about Himself, what He Says about me, and what He Says about me and Him — together.

This time, though, I wasn’t doing it all alone. This time I had both spiritual and physical support through some of KING YESHUA’S people who had a clue how to love me with 100% Strength and 100% Mercy — His Great Love! HalleluYAH! 🙂 Thank You, KING YESHUA!!! 🙂

____________________________________________

That, Precious Readers, is the SHORT version of life for me from 23 DEC 1985 – 1 SEP 1995!

Thanks for reading and PAPA’S Blessings on you and all of yours!!!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa
\/ 🙂

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Family / Friends / Animals, Fruits of Repentance, Growing Up, KING JESUS!, Matters of FAITH: Eternal Life or Eternal Death, Sin | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Celebrating 18 Years In Recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Dear Readers,

I’m CELEBRATING the fact that 18 years ago (1 SEP 1995), is when trusting PAPA and obeying His Word was finally beginning to be enough for me — no matter what it cost me. HalleluYAH!!! 🙂

In a nutshell, this is what happened:

KING YESHUA gave me such a desperation for Him and Him Alone, that I was finally willing to cling to His Strength (rather than my own), and to face Him as He Truly Is — and myself as I truly was.

This made it possible for me to begin surrendering my homosexual behaviors, feelings, and identity to His Lordship. He also gave me His Tenacity to surrender my gender-identity confusion, self-hatred, secrets, and self-protective walls that I’d had for decades. He provided me with not only Himself and His Word, but also safe, trustworthy people to walk alongside me as I dealt with the damaging effects of over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.

Today, I’m also celebrating what He’s CURRENTLY doing in my life (a.k.a., “hot-off-the-press!”). 😉

PAPA hasn’t ever wanted me to “talk-out-of-fear” (or be “silent-out-of-fear”). Yet, fear has been a life-long destructive habit in my life, but I didn’t truly see it for the harmful problem it was until FEB 2012. He’s changed me a lot regarding fear-based-talking and I still have a LONG ways to go, but that’s okay because He only wants me to live ODAT! (One Day at a Time!) 🙂

I’m also working on obeying Him by writing on a regular basis (ta-daa!) :-), along with basic physical self-care like DAILY healthy nutrition, DAILY strength-training and stretching, DAILY teeth-brushing and flossing. (Yes, I’ve been having some trouble with those DAILY healthy habits!) 😉

And last, but not least, I’m taking “baby-steps” in fully surrendering all of my femininity to Him so He can continue maturing me into the Beautifully Captivating Princess Daughter He Created me to be! YAHOO!!! 🙂

That is the “nutshell” version. I pray what I’ve shared enCOURAGES you to surrender whatever you’re holding onto — whatever it is that is hindering you from fully responding to PAPA’S Great Love for you when He says, “Come to Me, Child, and I will give you My Rest.”

Keep on taking baby-steps towards KING YESHUA, dear Readers! You are worth it! PAPA says so! 🙂

In HIS Great Love!

Melanee Lisa!

One of KING YESHUA’S Beautiful Warrior Princess Daughters!
OORAH!!!  \/  🙂
ALL For PAPA’S Glory!!! 🙂

Categories: Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Christ-Centered Family Reconstruction, Church Body, Counseling, Fruits of Repentance, KING JESUS!, Sin, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

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