Posts Tagged With: pain

Confessions Of A Rebellious Flosser

Yo, Readers!!!

I’d like to share a little story that might seem to have nothing to do with brushing and flossing my teeth at night, but stick with me and I think PAPA will radically bless your heart!

In KING YESHUA’S Great Love!

Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa
\o/ ๐Ÿ™‚
_______

I no longer have sexualized same-sex attractions — thank You, PAPA!!
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Yet…they did not go away by attempting to make-them-go-away — does that make sense?

Actually, I did initially pursue “making them go away,” but fortunately, PAPA had introduced me to Pamela Vest Valentine, a wise, Spirit-filled therapist who let me know that to do so, would just be a Band-Aid. She was a “client-centered” therapist, so she was willing to go that route if that’s what I really wanted, but she also told me that it would not deal with what actually needed to be dealt with — the roots.

The real problems, she said were **not** my homosexual feelings. Rather, she said that my problem was the same problem everyone has:

1. My (mis)perceptions of GOD,
2. My (mis)perceptions of myself, and
3. My (mis)perceptions of GOD and me together.

I immediately asked (it was closer to a demanding growl), “What am I supposed to do with all these other people around me??!!!”

Her eyes were compassionate, while her tone was firmly serious when she replied, “Nothing. You are to do absolutely nothing with other people until you have dealt with the first three areas — enough. And only GOD knows when enough-is-enough.”

She gently continued, “Melanee, you make people your godsโ€ฆ”

OUCH!!!!!!!

(Think, a hard punch to my abdomen, knocking the air out of me — maybe a hard jab to the face, too! And believe me when I say, I wanted to verbally punch her lights out!!)
๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช

What PAPA Told me that day through my therapist was this:

If I keep The-Main-Thing-The-Main-Thing…

— My focus being on KING YESHUA and no one else, following Him wherever He leads me; obeying Him (eventually!) in everything He calls me to do; resting IN Him; crying on His Shoulder; letting Him Comfort my hurting, fearful heart; running to Him when others have hurt my feelings; repenting when I disobey Him; accepting His Forgiveness (particularly in visualizing His Cleansing, Healing and Strengthening, Maturing of ALL of me — spirit, soul, body); and much, much more —

…then my ENTIRE life changes!!

HalleluYAH!!!!!!!
WOOHOO!!!!!!!
๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒโค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

A bonus was that my sexualized same-sex attractions dissipated and now…I only have GOD-Given same-sex attractions and opposite-sex attractions like PAPA originally designed each person to have!!!

You might be thinking, “When is she ever going to talk about the hot topic of brushing and flossing?!”

I’m getting there!
๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

The “stuff” I battle today is just as sinful. And any one of them can become destructive strongholds, just like the homosexuality, pornography, and masturbation used to be.

If you’re thinking, “Wow! What could be just as ‘bad’ as sexual sin?” then you’re caught in the same trap that I sometimes get caught in, as well.

Sin — all sin — is destructive, because I’m disconnecting myself from being intimately connected to PAPA.

Okay, I won’t keep you in suspense anymore!
๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

I currently struggle against obeying PAPA in four (out of five) areas He’s Told me to do.

He’s Called me to:
Speak and Write (that’s actually two things together as one), and He’s Told me to Exercise, Eat, Brush my teeth, and Floss my teeth, EVERY day.

Every. Single. Day.
No. Matter. How. Tired. I. Am!!!

And other than eating, most days I fail MISERABLY in the other four categories. Yes, I said most days.

(FYI — eating actually means eating healthy and taking my meds and supplements.)

Wellโ€ฆsince I celebrate the Sabbath from Friday evening to Saturday evening, I get a little break, because I only need to eat, brush, and floss during that timeframe!
๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

There ya go! Those are the things that are currently embarrassing me when I’m not obedient. I “tell on myself” to my Sponsor and other accountability folks on whether I’m obeying PAPA or not. And if it starts getting REALLY out of hand, I call my therapist!
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In other words, I still have DAILY battles that I can get focused on, ashamed about, worried about, and ask questions like, “Will this EVER change?” or “Will I EVER want to obey DADDY every night about brushing and flossing my teeth???!!!” or “Will I EVER really write what PAPA Wants me to write?” or “Am I EVER going to exercise regularly regardless of the pain?”

You get the picture — and I am not exaggerating!

I really feel those things, think those things, and experience those things.

I can even think SO insanely that I start believing that my value is determined by whether or not I’m obeying PAPAโ€ฆoh, my…

Another way to phrase that would be a slight variation on what my therapist said back in 1995. Instead of making other people my gods, I’m making my struggles my gods, my obedience my gods, and I can even make my disobedience my gods! Yikes!!!

Something one of my long-distance mentors, Bob Hamp, says goes something like this, “Whenever I make anything other than PAPA my GOD, then I’m plugging into the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, rather than The Tree of Life — KING YESHUA Himself!”

Talk about knowledge becoming a set-up for misery — yikes!!

So, Precious Readers, I share all this to hopefully communicate to you the absolute importance of you “plugging into” PAPA, seeking and pursuing His KINGdom and His Righteousness, rather than change.

I hope you hear me loud-and-clear — I’m *not* accusing you of pursuing change — some of you I’ve never even personally met! I’m just sharing with you how easy it is to get sidetracked off of The Main Thing.

And guess what?! I just fulfilled my writing requirement for the day, too! LOL!!! WOOHOO!!!
๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒโœ๏ธโœ๏ธโœ๏ธ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

Thanks for letting me share!

And REMEMBER: You’re worth it, because PAPA says so!
๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒโค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜
๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ฃ๐Ÿ‘ฃ๐Ÿ‘ฃ๐Ÿ‘ฃ

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Categories: Counseling, FREEDOM!, KING YESHUA!, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Spiritual Truth 2x4s

Howdy, Readers!

I pray that PAPA Radically Blesses each and everyone of you and your families with an abundance of life transforming Spiritual Truth 2x4s! All in love, of course! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒโค๏ธโค๏ธ

And here’s today’s post about that kind of love!ย Shalom!๐Ÿ˜Šย +++

It was around ’94 or ’95 when I was finally ready to ask my Christian therapist the ‘bigger-than-an-elephant-all-consuming-litmus-test-question’:

“So, Pam, do you believe that homosexuality is a sin?”

She stared intently at me and responded with a question of her own, “Melanee, haven’t you been on ‘both sides of the camp’?”

I knew what she meant, but it was kind of weird hearing it said out loud like that. I nodded ‘yes’ to her question and shrugged my shoulders in an indifferent, ‘so what?’ gesture.

She continued smoothly, “So… what could I possibly say that would be any different than what you’ve already heard from both sides regarding homosexuality?”

I silently shook my head to say ‘nothing.’ That’s when her next question punched me in the stomach, “Melanee, this is between you and GOD. You’re going to have to wrestle this one out with Him and His Word — and no one else.”

Externally I was stunned speechless, but internally I was outraged! Faster than a speeding bullet my thoughts raced, “EVERYONE has an opinion on the topic of sexuality โ€“ especially homosexuality!!! Who was she to not tell me her opinion?!!”

I was ready to explode, but she wouldn’t budge.

She refused my repeated offers to share her opinion and finally silenced me with a ‘Spiritual Truth 2×4’ upside my head, “Melanee, neither I nor anyone else can answer this question to your satisfaction. Only GOD can. And it’s only His Opinion that matters, anyway.”

Silence…

That was the day I learned how life-transforming Spiritual Truth 2x4s could be when wielded with strategic accuracy between the eyes! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ All because someone loved, honored, and respected me enough to **not** give me their opinion, but instead, pointed me to The One Who Loves me — Perfectly, Unashamedly, and with a Purity beyond my imagination!

HalleluYAH!!!!!!!

Thank You, PAPA, for YOU (and Your Spiritual Truth 2x4s!), and for Pamela Vest Valentine — and — for making her a double doctor!!
๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒโค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

Thanks for letting me share!

In KING YESHUA’S Great Love!

Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa
\o/ ย ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Categories: Counseling, KING JESUS!, KING YESHUA!, Sin | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

PAPA Moves People OUT OF And INTO

Hey there, Dear Reader!

Below is what I’m pondering on — I hope it helps you to more deeply trust The One Who Created YOU!

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Šโค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ

I donโ€™t know how PAPA does it, but throughout Scripture (and throughout the lives of people who have followed Him whose names are not in The Bible), there is a definite pattern of PAPA taking a person OUT OF some place or thing and moving him/her INTO a new place or thing. (‘Thing’ is not very descriptive, but in this case, it comes in real handy to encompass a multitude of words: birth, death, education, projects, jobs, behaviors, attitudes, feelings, sin, faith, fear, danger, mystery, comfort, security, suffering, just to name a few.)

Take for example Genesis 15 where PAPA is talking to Abram about some changes that are going to occur. Specifically, PAPA is telling Abram that He is going to move him OUT OF childlessness and INTO not only having an heir, but so many descendants that they will not be able to be counted! WOOHOO!
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This is just a little side note — as a gal with a southern accent, I love reading the word ‘reckon’ in The Bible — and it’s not just in the King James Version, either!ย In verse 6 of Genesis 15 it reads, “Then he [Abram] believed in Adonai and He [Adonai] reckoned it to him [Abram] as righteousness.”ย That’s out of the Tree of Life Version (TLV)!
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Back on track, now…

Not only does PAPA move people out of painful things and into pleasant things (as He did with Abram), He also moves people out of what we might call positive things into negative things.

For example, the Hebrews were moved OUT OF freedom and INTO enslavement by the Egyptians. For a really LONG time, too! That would be a good example of people being disciplined by PAPA because of their rebellion, but — and this is a crucial ‘but’ —ย moving from the pleasant to the painful is not always a matter of correction or the need for repentance.

Just take a look at KING YESHUA’S Life. His going to The Cross was much more painful than discipling His Followers — regardless of how contrary they might behave! There was obviously no need for repentance on His part, so if there was no need for correction, why that particular directional movement? Because there was a relational need that could only be met by His going from the pleasant to the painful.

The relationalย need I’m referring to encompassed moving us OUT OF the painful eternal separation from PAPA and INTO His Blessed Presence — and ALL for His Glory!!! HalleluYAH!!! The correction of our hell-bent directional movement was accomplished through KING YESHUA’Sย Life, Suffering, Crucifixion, Resurrection, and Ascension.

Of course, PAPA has given each and every one of us the choice to choose either Him or hell, but because of His Goodness, He will do whatever it takes to directionally move us towards Him. And it will be for our benefit and ALL for His Glory!

Regardless of the directional movements that occur in our lives, everything always boils down to the same question PAPA asks every single one of us:

“Are you going to trust Me with every area of your life — no matter how painful or pleasant?”

So, Dear Reader,

What areas of your life are you experiencing PAPA moving you OUT OF something familiar and INTO something unfamiliar? It may be from the painful to the pleasant or the reverse of that, but the question remains the same:

Are you going to trust PAPA no matter what it costs you? And am I?

The good news is this — we’re not in this alone! HalleluYAH! PAPA is here, His Written Word is here, His people are here, and all of His creation, too! HalleluYAH!

So, as PAPA moves you and me through His RUACH HaKODESH (HOLY SPIRIT), let us join our Shields of Faith together and follow The One and Only One Who is completely Trustworthy — KING YESHUA!

OORAH!!!

PAPA’S Blessings on you and all of yours, Dear Readers!

In HIS Great Love!

Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
\o/ ๐Ÿ™‚

Categories: HIS Great Love!, KING YESHUA!, Matters of FAITH: Eternal Life or Eternal Death | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Start Of REAL Recovery

Dear Precious Readers!

LORD Willing, I will be writing short posts that will eventually become a book of what PAPA has done in my life. I hope they paint a vivid picture of just how radical KING YESHUA’S Love is forย YOU!!!

In HIS Great Love!

Melanee Lisa
One of KING YESHUA’S Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princesses!
OORAH!!!
\o/
______________________________

“GOD!!! I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be!!!”

Those are the words I desperately cried (more like hollered) out to PAPA inside the mobile home where I lived with my lesbian life-partner. She and I had been together since spring of 1990. It was now fall of 1995.

I continued the hollered prayer with, “NOT the kind of woman **I** think You Want me to be โ€“ or the kind of woman other Christians or my family or strangers think I’m to be! I ONLY want to be the kind of woman YOU WANT ME TO BE!!!”

With that, I slumpedย to the floor, writhing in wretched sobs…gasping for air as the gut-punching-pain slammed me again and again for what seemed to be forever…

I had finally surrendered…or at least **began** surrendering to The One Who had been Waiting so Patiently for me to become “sick-and-tired of being sick-and-tired.” (He’s VERY Patient, by the way!)

So there I was on the linoleum floor, painfully sobbing with snot-and-tear-puddles everywhere, while KING YESHUA Held me in HIS Powerfullyย Tender Strong Arms. Itย was an excellent place to start โ€œREAL Recoveryโ€ โ€“ HalleluYAH!!!
๐Ÿ™‚

Categories: KING YESHUA!, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paragraph Word Of My Testimony!!! (19 Year Anniversary!!)

I grew up in a family where I was sexually, physically, emotionally abused and neglected for over 13 years. I not only hated the 3 men and 1 woman who sexually used me, but I also hated myself โ€“ especially my body, because it betrayed me by responding to the sexual stimulations.

There were many unhealthy ways I attempted to deal with the trauma and pain from the sexual abuse, but they were the only coping mechanisms I knew. At a very young age, I was introduced to pornographic magazines, and later found an X-rated novel in the house โ€“ what I refer to as โ€œwrittenโ€ pornography. I donโ€™t remember when I first masturbated, but by the time I was 13 years old, I was hooked on masturbation โ€“ and devastated by the shame I felt afterwards.

Because of the abuse and neglect, itโ€™s understandable that I wanted to be rescued out of my situation. The way I experienced wanting to be rescued was through emotionally intense romantic feelings for girls. When puberty hit, I also had strong sexual feelings for girls and women. By age 17, I โ€œdecidedโ€ that I was a lesbian. I simultaneously decided that The Bible was a bunch of lies and that GOD didnโ€™t exist.

That, by the way, is the coping mechanism called DENIAL.

The mechanism I used from the earliest sexual abuse was dissociation. It was one of the reasons I survived hundreds of sexual violations. Dissociation is a big word for what The Bible describes as โ€œbrokenheartedโ€ in Isaiah 61:1 and KING YESHUA quotes in Luke:

โ€œThe Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed.” — Luke 4:18 (NKJV)

A clearer visual of brokenhearted is a shattered heart, much like glass shattering to pieces when it hits the ground. Even though I didnโ€™t know how deeply broken and wounded I was, PAPA knew; so He allowed me to experience the natural consequences of living in rebellion to Him, until I finally got sick-and-tired of being sick-and-tired.

The prayer I prayed was this: โ€œGOD, I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be. I donโ€™t know if that means Iโ€™ll be homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or asexual, but I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be.โ€

HOLY SPIRIT took that prayer and RAN WITH IT!

On 1 SEP 2014, it will be 19 years since fully surrendering to PAPAโ€™S Authority over every area of my life โ€“ emotionally, mentally, relationally, and sexually. Physical health and financial recovery began years later and though Iโ€™m still physically ill with Lyme, Babesia, and Bartonella, KING YESHUA is still on His Throne and Iโ€™m still His Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Daughter! Thatโ€™s all that matters! OORAH! ๐Ÿ™‚

On 23 DEC 2014, it will be 29 years since I surrendered my heart and life to JESUS! I was born-again that MON morning around 1000 and Iโ€™ve NEVER received a greater or more priceless gift! HalleluYAH!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, His People (two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person), and HIS Creation to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.

Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me โ€“ spirit, soul, and body โ€“ and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades. I now FEEL emotions like KING YESHUA Created me to feel and because of His Faithfulness, I know how to manage my emotions, too!

Since PAPA has Taught me what to do when Iโ€™m anxious, I no longer use pornography, masturbation, or sexual fantasies. Before recovery, I only had WALLS and no boundaries. I was walled-off from PAPA, myself, and others. Not any more! KING JESUS and I together tore down the isolating walls (HalleluYAH!!!), and He Taught me what healthy boundaries are and how to enforce them in loving, respectful ways. (Actually, I’m still learning!!) I’m also learning how to **not** talk out of fear or be silent out of fear.

The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 โ€“ all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, โ€œAre you willing to Trust Me โ€“ just for today โ€“ no matter what it costs?โ€

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Fruits of Repentance, Growing Up, HIS Great Love!, KING JESUS!, Matters of FAITH: Eternal Life or Eternal Death, Sin, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

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