Posts Tagged With: Risking

Confessions Of A Rebellious Flosser

Yo, Readers!!!

I’d like to share a little story that might seem to have nothing to do with brushing and flossing my teeth at night, but stick with me and I think PAPA will radically bless your heart!

In KING YESHUA’S Great Love!

Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa
\o/ πŸ™‚
_______

I no longer have sexualized same-sex attractions — thank You, PAPA!!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜

Yet…they did not go away by attempting to make-them-go-away — does that make sense?

Actually, I did initially pursue “making them go away,” but fortunately, PAPA had introduced me to Pamela Vest Valentine, a wise, Spirit-filled therapist who let me know that to do so, would just be a Band-Aid. She was a “client-centered” therapist, so she was willing to go that route if that’s what I really wanted, but she also told me that it would not deal with what actually needed to be dealt with — the roots.

The real problems, she said were **not** my homosexual feelings. Rather, she said that my problem was the same problem everyone has:

1. My (mis)perceptions of GOD,
2. My (mis)perceptions of myself, and
3. My (mis)perceptions of GOD and me together.

I immediately asked (it was closer to a demanding growl), “What am I supposed to do with all these other people around me??!!!”

Her eyes were compassionate, while her tone was firmly serious when she replied, “Nothing. You are to do absolutely nothing with other people until you have dealt with the first three areas — enough. And only GOD knows when enough-is-enough.”

She gently continued, “Melanee, you make people your gods…”

OUCH!!!!!!!

(Think, a hard punch to my abdomen, knocking the air out of me — maybe a hard jab to the face, too! And believe me when I say, I wanted to verbally punch her lights out!!)
πŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺ

What PAPA Told me that day through my therapist was this:

If I keep The-Main-Thing-The-Main-Thing…

— My focus being on KING YESHUA and no one else, following Him wherever He leads me; obeying Him (eventually!) in everything He calls me to do; resting IN Him; crying on His Shoulder; letting Him Comfort my hurting, fearful heart; running to Him when others have hurt my feelings; repenting when I disobey Him; accepting His Forgiveness (particularly in visualizing His Cleansing, Healing and Strengthening, Maturing of ALL of me — spirit, soul, body); and much, much more —

…then my ENTIRE life changes!!

HalleluYAH!!!!!!!
WOOHOO!!!!!!!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒβ€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈπŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜

A bonus was that my sexualized same-sex attractions dissipated and now…I only have GOD-Given same-sex attractions and opposite-sex attractions like PAPA originally designed each person to have!!!

You might be thinking, “When is she ever going to talk about the hot topic of brushing and flossing?!”

I’m getting there!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

The “stuff” I battle today is just as sinful. And any one of them can become destructive strongholds, just like the homosexuality, pornography, and masturbation used to be.

If you’re thinking, “Wow! What could be just as ‘bad’ as sexual sin?” then you’re caught in the same trap that I sometimes get caught in, as well.

Sin — all sin — is destructive, because I’m disconnecting myself from being intimately connected to PAPA.

Okay, I won’t keep you in suspense anymore!
😜😜😜

I currently struggle against obeying PAPA in four (out of five) areas He’s Told me to do.

He’s Called me to:
Speak and Write (that’s actually two things together as one), and He’s Told me to Exercise, Eat, Brush my teeth, and Floss my teeth, EVERY day.

Every. Single. Day.
No. Matter. How. Tired. I. Am!!!

And other than eating, most days I fail MISERABLY in the other four categories. Yes, I said most days.

(FYI — eating actually means eating healthy and taking my meds and supplements.)

Well…since I celebrate the Sabbath from Friday evening to Saturday evening, I get a little break, because I only need to eat, brush, and floss during that timeframe!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜œπŸ˜œπŸ˜œ

There ya go! Those are the things that are currently embarrassing me when I’m not obedient. I “tell on myself” to my Sponsor and other accountability folks on whether I’m obeying PAPA or not. And if it starts getting REALLY out of hand, I call my therapist!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒβ˜ŽοΈβ˜ŽοΈπŸ“žπŸ“ž

In other words, I still have DAILY battles that I can get focused on, ashamed about, worried about, and ask questions like, “Will this EVER change?” or “Will I EVER want to obey DADDY every night about brushing and flossing my teeth???!!!” or “Will I EVER really write what PAPA Wants me to write?” or “Am I EVER going to exercise regularly regardless of the pain?”

You get the picture — and I am not exaggerating!

I really feel those things, think those things, and experience those things.

I can even think SO insanely that I start believing that my value is determined by whether or not I’m obeying PAPA…oh, my…

Another way to phrase that would be a slight variation on what my therapist said back in 1995. Instead of making other people my gods, I’m making my struggles my gods, my obedience my gods, and I can even make my disobedience my gods! Yikes!!!

Something one of my long-distance mentors, Bob Hamp, says goes something like this, “Whenever I make anything other than PAPA my GOD, then I’m plugging into the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, rather than The Tree of Life — KING YESHUA Himself!”

Talk about knowledge becoming a set-up for misery — yikes!!

So, Precious Readers, I share all this to hopefully communicate to you the absolute importance of you “plugging into” PAPA, seeking and pursuing His KINGdom and His Righteousness, rather than change.

I hope you hear me loud-and-clear — I’m *not* accusing you of pursuing change — some of you I’ve never even personally met! I’m just sharing with you how easy it is to get sidetracked off of The Main Thing.

And guess what?! I just fulfilled my writing requirement for the day, too! LOL!!! WOOHOO!!!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒβœοΈβœοΈβœοΈπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

Thanks for letting me share!

And REMEMBER: You’re worth it, because PAPA says so!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒβ€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈπŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜
πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘£πŸ‘£πŸ‘£πŸ‘£

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Categories: Counseling, FREEDOM!, KING YESHUA!, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Spiritual Truth 2x4s

Howdy, Readers!

I pray that PAPA Radically Blesses each and everyone of you and your families with an abundance of life transforming Spiritual Truth 2x4s! All in love, of course! πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒβ€οΈβ€οΈ

And here’s today’s post about that kind of love!Β Shalom!😊 +++

It was around ’94 or ’95 when I was finally ready to ask my Christian therapist the ‘bigger-than-an-elephant-all-consuming-litmus-test-question’:

“So, Pam, do you believe that homosexuality is a sin?”

She stared intently at me and responded with a question of her own, “Melanee, haven’t you been on ‘both sides of the camp’?”

I knew what she meant, but it was kind of weird hearing it said out loud like that. I nodded ‘yes’ to her question and shrugged my shoulders in an indifferent, ‘so what?’ gesture.

She continued smoothly, “So… what could I possibly say that would be any different than what you’ve already heard from both sides regarding homosexuality?”

I silently shook my head to say ‘nothing.’ That’s when her next question punched me in the stomach, “Melanee, this is between you and GOD. You’re going to have to wrestle this one out with Him and His Word — and no one else.”

Externally I was stunned speechless, but internally I was outraged! Faster than a speeding bullet my thoughts raced, “EVERYONE has an opinion on the topic of sexuality – especially homosexuality!!! Who was she to not tell me her opinion?!!”

I was ready to explode, but she wouldn’t budge.

She refused my repeated offers to share her opinion and finally silenced me with a ‘Spiritual Truth 2×4’ upside my head, “Melanee, neither I nor anyone else can answer this question to your satisfaction. Only GOD can. And it’s only His Opinion that matters, anyway.”

Silence…

That was the day I learned how life-transforming Spiritual Truth 2x4s could be when wielded with strategic accuracy between the eyes! πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ All because someone loved, honored, and respected me enough to **not** give me their opinion, but instead, pointed me to The One Who Loves me — Perfectly, Unashamedly, and with a Purity beyond my imagination!

HalleluYAH!!!!!!!

Thank You, PAPA, for YOU (and Your Spiritual Truth 2x4s!), and for Pamela Vest Valentine — and — for making her a double doctor!!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒβ€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈπŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜

Thanks for letting me share!

In KING YESHUA’S Great Love!

Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa
\o/ Β πŸ™‚

 

Categories: Counseling, KING JESUS!, KING YESHUA!, Sin | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Bulleted Word Of My Testimony! (19 Year Anniversary!!)

β€’ I survived over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.

β€’ I dissociated in order to survive the abuse and was consumed with hatred and anger towards GOD and men, as well as self-hatred for over 30 years.

β€’ I experienced homosexual feelings for over 30 years and lived as a lesbian for over 15 years (7 of those years as a Christian).

β€’ I used pornography, masturbation, and sexual fantasies as coping mechanisms for many years.

β€’ That all began to change when I fully surrendered my authority to GOD’S Authority on 1 SEP 1995.

β€’ KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, and HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person, to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.

β€’ Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades.

β€’ The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, β€œAre you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Fruits of Repentance, Growing Up, HIS Great Love!, KING JESUS!, Matters of FAITH: Eternal Life or Eternal Death, Sin, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Are You Taking GOD At HIS Word? Or Are You Believing The CONverses?

Dear Readers,

Today’s post is on taking PAPA’S Word as Complete Truth — or — believing the CONverses (opposites) of HIS Word.Β In a nutshell, either KING YESHUA and His Word are PURE,Β HOLY, RIGHTEOUS, and TRUE — or — KING YESHUA is a lying imposter and HIS Word is worth less than trash. There is NO middle ground. (The Scriptures for today are John 8:12 and Isaiah 42:6-8.)

___________________

– John 8:12 (Amplified)

“Once more Jesus addressed the crowd. He said, ‘I am the Light of the world. He who follows Me will not be walking in the dark, but will have the Light which is Life.'”

– John 8:12 (Amplified)
___________________

Given what KING YESHUA Says in John 8:12, the CONverses would be:

The person who follows KING YESHUA (i.e., Him, His Word, and His Will), WILL BE walking in darkness — and — will NOT have The Light which is Life.
______________________

– Isaiah 42:6-8 (Amplified)

I the Lord have called You [the Messiah] for a righteous purpose and in righteousness; I will take You by the hand and will keep You; I will give You for a covenant to the people [Israel], for a light to the nations [Gentiles],

To open the eyes of the blind, to bring out prisoners from the dungeon, and those who sit in darkness from the prison. [Matt. 12:18-21.]

I am the Lord; that is My name! And My glory I will not give to another, nor My praise to graven images.

– Isaiah 42:6-8 (Amplified)
______________________

Given what GOD Says in Isaiah 42:6-8, the CONverses would be:

KING YESHUA (The MESSIAH) was called by GOD to UNrighteousness, was NOT led by GOD, was NOT given to Israel as a covenant, and was NOT given to the Gentiles as a Light.

– [CONverses continued]

KING YESHUA was NOT sent to open the eyes of the blind and He was NOT sent to set prisoners free from darkness. (In other words, the CONverse would be that KING YESHUA came to leave people in darkness — both physically and spiritually. The CONverse would be that He was impotent to completely change people’s lives.)

– [CONverses continued]

GOD Himself is NOT The LORD, He will give His Glory away to someone other than MESSIAH, and He will give praise to graven images (a.k.a., idols, sin, anything/anyone a person has surrendered their life to).
____________________

So, here’s “The Question” —Β Are You Taking GOD At HIS Word?

If NOT, then you (like Adam and Eve), are choosing your own understanding — which is powerless against satan’s perverted words.

Although there are two options — LIFE or death — only ONE CHOICE can be made.

Either choose The Loving LORD, KING YESHUA and HIS Truth, to Rule you and your eternal LIFE — or — choose the lying enemy, satan and his perversions, to rule you and your eternal death. There is NOT a third option.

Now you know.

Now — right now — you get to choose whom you will serve: KING YESHUA and HIS Word of TRUTH (a.k.a., LIFE and LIFE MORE ABUNDANTLY!) — or — the CONverse, which is self (who has no power over sin, death, worldly pressures, or satan).

You CAN choose The LIGHT of LIFE!

Will you?

I pray you do!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
\/ πŸ™‚

(P.S. If you chose KING YESHUA and HIS Word of Truth (The Holy Bible), I would love to hear your story, so please feel free to share!)

Categories: Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Fruits of Repentance, KING JESUS!, Matters of FAITH: Eternal Life or Eternal Death, Sin | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

DEC 1985 – SEP 1995 (the short version)

Dear Readers,

Below is a small portion of KING YESHUA’S Story in my life. It’s short, but it’s about The One Who IS GOOD!!! πŸ™‚

_________________________

On MON 23 DEC 1985 around 1000 (10:00 am) I became a born-again Christian. My life was NEW!!! And CLEAN!!! And AWESOME!!! Woohoo!!! πŸ™‚

What I didn’t know was, that in order for my emotional, romantic, sexual feelings to be transformed, I would need to practice being rigorously honest with GOD, myself, and others I trusted. My perception at that time was: If I just give my homosexual feelings to GOD, then He would change them into romantic and sexual feelings for men. Kinda like, “Poof!”

That didn’t work.

In FEB 1988, I started a romantic and sexual relationship with another woman who was struggling against homosexuality. Neither of us were very strong (obviously), and in October of that year I experienced my first suicidal feelings.

In the spring of 1989, I returned to living as a homosexual. Why? Because I could not escape my romantic and sexual feelings for other women — I couldn’t make them go away. And since they hadn’t changed (regardless of how many times I begged GOD to take them away), I decided that He must not want to change them, either. I told JESUS that I could no longer deny He was GOD — but I also told Him that I could no longer deny I was a lesbian.

So, off I went to live my new life as a lesbian Christian in Gainesville, FL. Sure, I had questions like, “Are homosexual thoughts and activity sin?” But mainly I was determined to not feel ashamed of my homosexual feelings. And, I really DID want others to know JESUS and give their life to Him. Really.

In OCT 1990, I and the woman I thought would be my forever life-partner, had a ceremony at the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) in Gainesville. Both of our gay-identified brothers were present and signed the document as our witnesses.

On 11 NOV 1991, my brother passed away due to AIDS. In 1992, my life-partner and I moved to Tallahassee and in the fall of 1993, we started the MCC in the capital city of FL. Everything seemed great. I was kind of like the “temporary pastor” of the church — not preaching, but the out-front leader who taught that GOD blessed committed, monogamous homosexuality.

There was a big problem I kept running into, though — I didn’t know how to talk to folks about their sin problems. You see, since I was teaching that homosexuality was *not* sin, then how could I claim that GOD’S Word called their behaviors sinful? How could I say to them that there was hope for them to repent of Β their sins?

I could not.

Not lying. Not stealing. Not gossiping. Not adultery. Not fornication. Not even pedophilia. “Who was I to judge?” That’s what I kept hearing in my head. So, suffice it to say, I didn’t have much “power” in my life and I felt hopeless to do anything about it.

Even in the midst of my hopeless powerlessness, though, I met some phenomenal folks through MCC, but they were not the answer to my sin problem. My rebellion could not be “fixed” by any human. Well, not any natural human, anyway. πŸ˜‰

It took only a few years before I couldn’t take the depression any longer. (For those of you who haven’t experienced it, it is extremely tormenting to say there is freedom in CHRIST to change, while simultaneously refusing to surrender to Him and His Power in every area of one’s own life. That’s called “making two choices.” I blogged about that earlier.)

Back to the story . . .

I didn’t want to live with this torment any more, but I didn’t know how I could kill myself.

But, GOD . . .

Only because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, demonstrated through His Word and a few key folks, did my life begin to have hope. TRUE Hope. Hope for freedom from the tormenting lies I believed about both GOD and myself.

Mainly, though, my prayer was a simple, desperate cry to JESUS — “GOD! I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be!”

So, on 1 SEP 1995, I started “recovery” regarding feelings — all feelings. The first thing my therapist did was send me to PAPA’S Word to find out what He Says about Himself, what He Says about me, and what He Says about me and Him — together.

This time, though, I wasn’t doing it all alone. This time I had both spiritualΒ andΒ physical support through some of KING YESHUA’S people who had a clue how to love me with 100% Strength and 100% Mercy — His Great Love! HalleluYAH! πŸ™‚ Thank You, KING YESHUA!!! πŸ™‚

____________________________________________

That, Precious Readers, is the SHORT version of life for me from 23 DEC 1985 – 1 SEP 1995!

Thanks for reading and PAPA’S Blessings on you and all of yours!!!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa
\/ πŸ™‚

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Family / Friends / Animals, Fruits of Repentance, Growing Up, KING JESUS!, Matters of FAITH: Eternal Life or Eternal Death, Sin | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

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